We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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