he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
