I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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