pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I touched a dick in church today
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
