I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
