now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
