What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
