we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
