Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize