So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
