Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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