just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
