ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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