I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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