im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
