I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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