i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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