Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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