Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
