I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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