just come out here and I will go home with you...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
