If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
