I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
