i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
