If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
