i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
