Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
soo... how was my night?
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