Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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