THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
why do cheetos always look like penises
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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