You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
