You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
