does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
