should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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