dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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