Duck Duck Cougar?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
