I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
