I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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