Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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