I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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