I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
