Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
All I want is dick and wine.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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