I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize