just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
