You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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