I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
