sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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