And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
