I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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