I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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