he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
