Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think I have vodka in my lungs
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
