Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
