remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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