Please, let me fuck your mom
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize