So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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