I think my fart just growled at me.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
