I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
