you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
