She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
