he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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