Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
