jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Sponge bath it is.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
