I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
