my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
