this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
