help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
