the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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