the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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