So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
