you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
there was a trapeze. enough said
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
