you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
