as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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