i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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